Adventure Before Dementia

I spent the last two weeks in Jacksonville with Rick and the dogs and friends and it was lovely. I quickly fell back into my routine and fell back in love with our bubble of a community that exudes charm, entertainment and community.

One of the things I missed the most about home (besides the dogs, the dogs make things better and I am suspicious of people who do not have or do not like dogs) was my morning run. I have a carefully curated route that winds through the neighborhood parks, down to the river and around a collection of eclectic and diverse architecture. Our neighborhood is widely recognized as the most architecturaly diverse neighborhood in the state of Florida. But the river, parks and homes don’t matter as much as the people I encounter along the way, fellow route occupants. I am not the only one with routines, and I encounter my extraordinary routine brothers and sisters every morning. I see the dogs in the park, the runners and walkers as we politely smile and wave along our way. I was looking forward to seeing my favorite people on my route—an elderly couple who walk together hand-in-hand every morning.

Like clockwork, I spotted them in the distance, making their way down Richmond Street, a magnificent road that follows the river. As we got closer we gained each other’s eyes and broke into wide grins. She is always stunning, with perfect hair, a neatly pressed outfit and spotless shoes of various colors. She may have a different pair of walking shoes for each day of the week or each outfit in her workout drawer. Her husband is equally dapper, but intentionally dials it down a bit because she, deservidly, is the show. He was sporting a broad brim straw hat and, for the first time, he was using a walker.

“Hello, I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“We have been away, traveling around the country but it is so good to be back and better to see you.”

“So good to see you too.”

That was it, but it was everything to me. I thought about one of the main motivating factors for our extended travels and it was our relative youth. Our legs were still sturdy and our minds were still crisp (although Christine may argue differently). Seeing him with the assist of a walker affirmed the purpose of our journey, it also affirmed my love for the community we have created. We have been looking for other places and the thought of growing new roots is equally exciting and exhausting. Over the last few years I have expanded my network with cherished bonds. I have expanded my reach into the local art community and I have been enriched by it deeply.  

No matter, the clock was turning, the year will quickly evaporate, Halloween was upon us and then, the rest of the year is gone in a flash. The wheels on the walker may turn slowly but they continue to grind.  

My days were filled with meetings and coffee, I wanted to get a jump on the holiday season so I was working as much as possible on the Art Bikes business. The routine felt good and my meetings in the neighborhood coffee shop expanded to more new friends, more connections, more people saying yes.  

At the end of the first week, I felt very good about the progress I had made, Tye was in town to create some new videos and I was quickly moving my way though my punch list. That’s when things stated to change within me. I started feeling a heightened level of stress and anxiety. The more I accomplished, the more I felt I needed to do. I needed to set one more meeting, I needed to secure one more partner. I needed to create one more campaign. And then, my mind led me to a very dangerous place—Tomorrowland.  

No longer was I present in my routine or my friends or my dogs, I was now starting to play the dangerous game of “what’s next?” Quite frankly, I am scared shitless of “what’s next”. We spent the better part of the year traveling, exploring and (I hate to use this catch-all term but I will anyway) living the dream (people use this term all the time when we tell them about traveling in an RV, everyone has a dream and everyone can live that dream, a unique version of a dream). This year has been a dream, an unbelievable, once in a lifetime experience that will never happen again quite like this. The stars aligned, we had the time, financial resources and necessary support to make it happen. So, how do you top it? What’s next? I was drifting into Tomorrowland and it was not a healthy place to drift.

I had dinner with my friend Lon and we talked about this sudden sift from the present to the future. We have both been working very hard on being present, living in the now, but the now quickly can become “when” and that’s when you relinquish your control over this moment.  

There is no easy answer for living in the moment. It was much easier for me to be present on the road, knowing that each day would bring some untold adventure, we didn’t have a detailed plan but we had a direction and destination points. Maybe that was the source of my anxiety, the coming year had no such destination point. We are planning to do a shorter version of our adventure, 3 months in New Mexico, Colorado, Utah and Wyoming, rounding out the places we missed in Season 1. I also have several plans for Art Bikes, this thing that was created in the middle of this adventure. Art Bikes is growing, like a child, it needs more time and resources as it grows. Perhaps this is another source of healthy stress and anxiety, my competitive spirit is strong and I want to grow this into something more….tomorrow. Thinking ahead, drifting away from the now.

Which brings me to now. This moment. Back in Teddy (our RV) with Christine in Redwood National Forest, California. It was good to be away and good to be apart. I must say I was taken aback a bit by the reaction to my last blog, “Trial Separation.” I certainly knew what I was doing, playing with words to hook a potential reader into my tale. It was intentionally neuanced but the message I intended to send was that our relationship was strong enough to allow each of us to go and do what was necessary. I needed to work on business at home and Christine needed to be alone in the RV. 

So many people made conclusions based on the headline, perhaps this is a symptom of our scroll first behavior. It is very easy to read a headline and come to a conclusion. Maybe we are wired to think the worst first, lord knows I do this all the time.  

The present is quickly unfolding, fall and winter are upon us. Now is all that matters, while keeping one eye looking into the future wondering out loud when my legs will be replaced by wheels. Did I do enough with today to be satisfied come tomorrow?